My Dog – Harlus Haurelius
5-29-94 to 4-29-09
I’m sure going to miss him.
Today is May 29, 2009. In observance of Harley, I figured I’d let it out in the fashion of writing, something I can refer back to from this day forth. He would have been 15 years old today. The old man. But unfortunately Harlus went to Doggie Heaven on 4-29-09. I will always remember him but want to write this down to help me remember all these thoughts for later. We went through a lot together and he was always there for me til the end. For that, I will always remember him.
I got Harley, born Harlus Haurelius (American Kennel Club), at 12 weeks. I decided on holding off on picking Harley up until after I came back from Yellowstone, yet I picked him out before that and met him and his litter at about 8 weeks. I was destined to have the dog pick me out and remember reading up on what to look for in a puppy before hand. I remember the joy of going to pick the puppy out. I think one was already gone or pick of the litter, and then this puppy with big paws came right up to me. I knew he was the one.
I can remember his mother, Stormy, a very friendly mother, weary from her litter. But I can remember the littler playing and just being cute puppies.
We are going back 15 years, before I had a camchorder, still don’t. But I want to write this down the old fashioned way. Harley looked like a little bear when he was a puppy. It didn’t take long for his growth spurt to send him into juvenile mode, complete with the big daddy long legs. But he was awnry as a puppy.
I had to pay close attention to Harley as a puppy and at the same time, not let the landlord knew I had one. But I can remember the house I lived in and it being early in the morning in what seems must have been late August and Harley was a little guy, and I was walking out to the kitchen and Harley was about knee high and came up from being and nipped me in the back of the knee with little puppy teeth. He thought that was funny. He also liked to thrash on my robe, which he did his whole life.
This dog was known as the Rot Butt Starbutt because he had the perfect star in his mahogany fir around his tail. Then again he had all kinds of names.
I’ve been around since the beginning and I was around for many health problems. Harley was completely deaf for about the last 4 of his years, and hard of hearing for about 2 years prior to that, that being another chapter in and of itself. But I learned to pay attention in a different way, more slowly and with more eye contact. I even figured Harley would like hand signals, and he had a few of those. I ‘d come home at lunch just to check up on him and let him know I was there to pay attention to the old man, and I’d give him the eye love you. I think he liked that.
It was hard taking care of a dog, but a great experience. Especially in his elder years, you have to pay a lot more attention to them, especially given the winter months of cold and rain. But he was rugged til the end, and would wake up to go pee and then would then go in his doghouse in the cold of winter, his choice, night after night, me getting him at 5 am or 5 30 often, first thought being to go wake him up and get him inside. I think I did a good job overall as a dog owner, putting him first.
Yah looking back, he grew up so fast, from that small little dog I can remember in my arms on day 1 that I brought him home til the time he wasn’t a puppy anymore, but especially when he was really small guy with big paws. These were some big paws. And he had a big head. I called him lug head sometimes. And he had these big brown eyes.
I’ve never seen a dog like to pee so much. I used to walk that dog all the time. Talk about a canine. He had a snauze and would use it and he would get this determined look in his eye, and would mark the territory. After a while, I figured I’d let him off leash. He pretty much had free reign. My dog ate when he wanted. I let food stand in the bowl, unless it was food that he didn’t eat, then that had to be tossed. But the dog did what he wanted to do. He was so big, that I learned I better teach him right, and by who’s who, but in reality, why force resistance? He enjoyed doing his own thing. I realized this, yet he tested his limits. This is of canine.
My dog used to hear. I think this is one reason I cared so much for him, that being the circumstances that cost him his hearing. Harley cost me over $8,000 in vet bills, and lots of it stemmed from yeast infections that caused a great deal of damage in his ears. But when he could hear, was kind of fun in comparison. I could get my dog to howl by howling myself. I’d ask him why and he would turn his head. Then I would tell him nobody knew why. And he would turn his head again. Nobody knows why. Remember that. (Hey Harley, you know why? Why? Nobody knows why. Why? Shit I don’t know why, you know why? - And then he would turn his head…)
I can remember my dog being a juvenile and the places we’ve been. From Bend OR, to Medford, to Crescent City CA, my dog has been around the block. From camping trips, to nature hikes, to just the reason my Saturdays or Sundays existed, the memories will last forever. Yet I have a reason I want to write them down.
It is difficult to lay down 15 years of memories. And at this moment is is difficult to do so. But if I could write in dog years, I think I could explain what it means to have the companionship of Harley. He had a natural smile. He was independent. And for this, I am envious. I think we all want to live the dog’s life. Let me rephrase that, some of us, wish that we could live the dog’s life.
I might express how my dog bettered my life, yet owning a dog for the sake of letting a dog just be a dog made way for a more interesting surrounding. To let the dog go off the leash, is all the better. To go where the dog could go explore, is a better place to be. Face it, the dog was happy to go pee, perfectly content to mark the walk 27 times. He didn’t need me to carry him around on the leash for that. And this is why it was nice to set out for some exploring in the hills or in the latter years, simply going out for walks. Simply skipping the month of October 2008 from the martial arts class I took, was great in that I got to hang out with Harley, my sole reason for skipping the month. Priororities in life come up, my dog being one.
It’s tough looking backwards to forwards, remembering the dog as the old man, to the time he was a puppy. Seems so distorted when you look at it that way. But there were certain things that stand out, namely his characteristics, or character. I always thought of Harley as being a cartoon character. Looking back, at least I had someone to entertain, now I don’t even have anybody to talk to. It’s a vast emptiness without that cartoon character. Life didn’t change a bit just because Harley went deaf. I figured that was why I had to keep things the same, only add more eye contact and hand gestures and nods of affirmation. The songs remained the same, as did the drum beats on his rib cage. The days of singing “Harlus Haurelius is just a god damn dude dog!” and him hearing it…in the sun, seem like magical times, with a dog smile and a cartoon background.
There were a couple of things that Harley would do til the end. The first thing was blink either both eyes or one at a time on command when I did it. Sometimes you had to kind of prompt him but he would eventually do it. The other thing he would do, and again sometimes you had to prompt him, in this case with an extra yawn. I could start this big yawn and then go (with a point at him), “What do you do” and he would do it too. This he could see, and he did it til the end. That and blink his brown eyes. So cute.
Harley liked to shake hands. Sometimes you would be sitting there and he would punch you in the face with his paw. I have seen him do this to others too. It was like Harley, come on. But shaking hands was something he liked to do. Besides shake, he knew sit, down, stay, come, and turn around (to clean his paws, eventually turn around sign language). Harley went to puppy obedience school, but always was excited to go walking, sometimes yanking me, always excited. After a bit he calmed down and was great on leash. But for the most part, he had a mind of his own, tested his limits (if not pushed them sometimes) but was well minded when required. I never had any problems with Harley being in dog fights or starting them, nor was he ever a problem. I think that came with the responsibility and knowing that obedience is something he must know being that he was going to be as big as he was going to be. But it was good to teach him a few tricks. I could tell he wasn’t going to be one for sit up or roll over. He would fetch sticks and toys in the water.
Oil Beach.
What kind of dog person are you if you don’t take your dog to Oil Beach? I think this was our most favorite all time place to go. I used to ask Harley when he could hear, “You want to go to the beach?” and his ears would perk up. And then off we went. He loved to go visit the other dogs. Unfortunately Harley didn’t mind that well, as he would get too excited around the other dogs and wouldn’t mind. But in the early days, he would get in the mix, chase sticks, swim after it. We’d hit low tide, and well, there were all kinds of things for him to smell, from sea life, to the other dogs. He loved it all.
We’d go park our stuff over by a drift log and I’d set up some water for Harley. It was amazing all the friends Harley would make by just going to the beach. All the dogs would come over, some for some water, others to say hi. The little Jack Terriers would hop up on the logs and come say hi to Harley and I and then they would dart off.
We enjoyed this place and I tried to take him here often. We never made it in 2009 but we had many memories at the beach.
It’s sad to see him go. Just like it was hard to leave him in the big dishwasher box I put him in as a pup. Man he would yelp when you put him in there. It was then I realized he was a social animal. And liked to be out of the cage.
He liked to walk at the school when he was less than a year old to maybe a year and a half. I remember we’d walk all the fields, trit trot trit trot. He’d go do his thing, come back. Just pleasant walks with the dog. Nothing like a big school to let him explore. One time this dog was playing with Harley and the other dog would go this way or that, Harley following every step in chase. And then the dog turned and Harley turned and mowed over the little girl that was maybe 6. She got up, but it was like a blindside, and I am so glad she wasn’t hurt and that I didn’t have a doctor bill to pay for Harley running her over. I’m glad kids are tough. I’m talking maybe 95 lbs vs 45 lbs, with one going at full speed. The mother saw what had happened and said she was all right. The dogs were just playing.
I enjoyed having Harley around to play. We’d have our games of chase I’d go one way around the kitchen, he’d be getting kooky waiting for me, then I’d go off to the other side. Seems like we did that one for years. I guess I have to remember the look on his face. :0
Having a dog isn’t easy. Raising a puppy isn’t easy, wasn’t hard, but takes dedication. I had to build a ramp for my dog when he got old. I had to take care of a lot of health problems. You have to plan ahead. You have to sacrifice. You have to put buying your dog food and dog bones before yourself. You have to clean the dog bowls whether you want to or not. One time I took Harley on a trip to Wenatchee and took him to a truck repair facility and he almost drank antifreeze. I like ran at him as fast as I could ….”HARLEY NO” just as I grabbed him before he drank some anti freeze that was on the ground just drained. I never took Harley to another place of business again. But I had to on that one. It ain’t easy. But we made it through. Then we hit Icecycle Creek in Leavenworth later that night. Plus Harley got to go on an annual trip to Bend Oregon. With the heat and cold and nearly 15 years, you have to plan ahead with a dog. I now know this cause I feel that I have extra time on my hands in the morning and accumulated over time. I deserve a break, but I remember the responsibility. A good life’s lesson it was and I tried to do everything I could right.
I think one of the reason’s I was so saddened by Harley dying is that it came on suddenly with 2 weeks. I thought I was going to get to celebrate his Birthday with a celebration and then everyday after that was a day blessed. But it didn’t happen that way. It happened before May 29th and I wasn’t ready for it. I was thinking 1 or 2 months out, and thinking summer time, one more. Just one more. But it didn’t happen.
Looking back, winter 2008-2009 was the longest and most miserable winter I have seen in Washington yet. But I got to hang out with my dog the entire winter. I purposely made sure to take good care of him because it was so cold and he was my good friend. I made sure to hang out with him. He was deaf, old, and it was the thing to do. I made sure to hug him and pay attention to him, giving him a sense that he was getting lots of puppy treats.
I’ll miss him. One of the toughest things was to lay with Harley for a couple of hours and tell him goodbye and how much of a good dog he always was, and how much he meant to me. I meant everything I said and I am glad I got to look in his eyes and tell him goodbye. But I didn’t want to see him suffer any longer and it was time to say goodbye, as gutwrenching as it was.
I’m 41 years old and the only thing I can say is that it feels like losing a best friend, a family member, and a loyal companion. I feel like I lost my big huge Teddy Bear. Because that’s what he was. Just a big ol’ Teddy Bear. I no longer hear his deep breaths in the middle of the night at the side of my bed, as soothing as the sound of running water in the distance. Nor do I have the inner peace or the security of having a dog by my side with me now.
Actually, he was My Dog. And I will sure miss him.
My Dog
The one who listens when I talk
The one who cheers my lonely walk
The one who nuzzles when I cry
The one who comforts when I sigh
Who else could match my every mood?
Who else would feast on scraps of food?
Who else would prompt this monologue?
Who else but you my loving dog.
Harley, RIP Buddy!!
I love you and miss you and in loving memory,
Brent
